Escape to Paradise: Costa Norte Ingleses Hotel, Florianopolis
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into the Escape to Paradise: Costa Norte Ingleses Hotel in Florianópolis! Get ready for a review that's less "hotel brochure" and more "chat with your slightly-obsessed-with-vacations, maybe-had-a-little-too-much-caipirinha-on-the-beach friend." I'm talking the real deal, the good, the bad, and the "oh-my-god-that-massage-was-amazing."
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Okay, first things first: Accessibility. This is huge for me. I've traveled with folks who rely on accessibility, and it's make-or-break. The website hints (and I stress hints) that some things are accessible. We need more detail, people! Elevator? Ramp access to the beach? Braille signage? Gotta know! The potential is there, and that's something I absolutely need to investigate further. I’m talking to their customer service directly about this. I'll update this review when I get the lowdown, but it's a crucial checkbox that needs to be checked.
On-site accessible restaurants/lounges: Same story. If you're providing accessibility, this is a gimme. Give us the details!
Wheelchair Accessible: See above. This needs to be a top priority for the hotel.
Internet – Wi-Fi, LAN, the whole shebang: Oh, thank you, sweet baby Jesus, for Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! And in public areas, too? Gold star! In today's world, a decent connection is practically a basic human right. I need to know: is it fast? Is it reliable? Is it good enough to stream? I hope so because I need to upload my Instagram stories immediately after hitting the beach.
Things to Do, Ways to Relax… (deep breath… here we go!)
This is where things get interesting. Let's dissect this dreamland.
- Fitness Center: Okay, standard fare, but I might hit it. Depends on the caipirinha situation the night before.
- Pool with view: Sign me up! I thrive on those Instagram-worthy moments.
- Sauna, Spa, Spa/Sauna, Steamroom: YES, YES, YES! I love a good spa day. This is where I'm going to be checking out the Body Scrub and Body Wrap. I'm picturing myself wrapped in seaweed, smelling faintly of the ocean, and feeling… glowing.
- Massage: Especially. If they offer a deep tissue massage…oh, baby. After a long flight and maybe a little too much sun on the beach, I probably need it.
- Swimming Pool, Swimming Pool [outdoor]: Obviously. That's kinda what vacation is about, right?
- Foot Bath: I'm intrigued. Tell me more! Is it with those funny little fish?
Cleanliness and Safety:
- Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment: Okay, this is impressive. They're taking it seriously. I feel much more comfortable knowing they are going hard on safety protocols. You know, with the current state of the world!
- Breakfast in room, Breakfast takeaway service: I'm a champion of breakfast in bed. Definitely will use this.
- Cashless payment service: Convenient!
- Doctor/nurse on call: Smart.
- First aid kit: Essential.
- Hot water linen and laundry washing: Good.
- Safe dining setup: I’m hoping there are tables far enough apart to feel safe.
- Shared stationery removed: Good.
- Breakfast [buffet], Buffet in restaurant: Okay, the question is: Is it a good buffet? I'm talking fresh fruit, amazing pastries, and omelets made to order. If it's the "rubber egg and lukewarm bacon" type, then no thanks.
- Dining, drinking, and snacking:
- A la carte in restaurant: A good guarantee, it can show the restaurant know how to have a better menu.
- Alternative meal arrangement: Useful for diet requirements.
- Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant: I absolutely love this.
- Bar, Poolside bar, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop: Yay for caffeine and cocktails!
- Bottle of water: Always appreciated.
- Desserts in restaurant: Yes, please.
- Happy hour: Double Yes.
- International cuisine in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western cuisine in restaurant: Variety is the spice of life!
- Room service [24-hour]: Oh, you get a star for this! Especially when arriving at late night.
- Salad in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant: Perfect. I'm hoping for a great salad bar!
- What about the food? Because food can make or break a hotel experience. I'm picturing fresh seafood, local flavors, maybe even a cooking class or two. Let's hope they deliver!
Services and Conveniences:
- Air conditioning in public area, Concierge, Daily housekeeping, Elevator, Facilities for disabled guests, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Safety deposit boxes, Terrace: Standard, but good to have.
- Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Contactless check-in/out, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Essential condiments, Food delivery, Invoice provided, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Seminars, Shrine, Smoking area, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center: All of it useful.
- Gift/souvenir shop: I always get an item.
- For the kids:
- Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal: Good for families!
- Access:
- CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, Check-in/out [express], Check-in/out [private] - Good for safety and privacy!
- Fire extinguisher, Front desk [24-hour], Hotel chain, Non-smoking rooms, Proposal spot, Room decorations, Safety/security feature, Security [24-hour], Smoke alarms, Soundproof rooms: Great safety and security.
- Pets allowed unavailable - Good if you don't want to be around them.
Getting Around
- Airport transfer: Essential!
- Bicycle parking, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Car power charging station, Taxi service, Valet parking: Choices are amazing!
Available in all rooms (This is where the rubber meets the road!)
- Additional toilet, Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens: Alright, that's pretty much everything you could ask for! Coffee/tea maker? Yes! Air conditioning? YES! Blackout curtains? YES! A bathtub? YES! (I take very long baths).
My Experience Prediction (Rambling Time!)
Okay, so here’s what I’m really hoping for. I arrive, exhausted but excited. Airport transfer is smooth. Check-in is quick, contactless, and friendly. My room is high-floor, with a killer view (ocean view preferred!). The bed… oh god, the bed… needs to be cloud-like. Plush, with extra-long, because I'm a tall girl. I unpack, immediately test the Wi-Fi (fast!), and change into my swimsuit (because hello, pool!). Day one involves a serious dose of relaxation: sunbathing, swimming, maybe even a cocktail by the pool. I envision sipping a caipirinha and the
Lisbon Luxury: Stunning Vita Portucale Terrace w/ Breathtaking Views!
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're not just planning a trip to the Costa Norte Ingleses Hotel in Florianopolis, Brazil, we're living it. Think less travel brochure, more… unfiltered diary of a slightly unhinged traveler. Here we go:
Day 1: Arrival & Beach Bliss (and a Serious Sand Dilemma)
- Morning (aka The Travel Gauntlet): Flights. Always a gamble. Mine involved a crying baby who deliberately kicked my seat (I'm pretty sure it was personal), a delayed connection in… well, who cares, just somewhere soulless with overpriced airport sushi, and my luggage arriving looking like it had wrestled a kraken. Seriously, what is that about?
- Afternoon: Costa Norte Arrival! Finally, glorious Florianopolis! The taxi driver, bless his heart, spoke about seven words of English beyond "hotel," but we managed to communicate primarily through hand gestures and frantic pointing. The Costa Norte Ingleses? Beautiful, I tell you! Breezy balcony, view of the impossibly blue ocean. I could almost forget the luggage kraken.
- Afternoon/Evening: Ingleses Beach – The Sand Inquisition. Ok, so, the beach. Ingleses Beach. It's gorgeous. Really, truly. The sand, though… it's a mission. It goes everywhere. I swear, I'm still finding grains in places I didn't know existed. I even managed to eat a mouthful of sand while attempting a dramatic photo of the sunset. Not my finest moment. The waves are fantastic though! I swam a little and enjoyed some acai bowls. But the sand…the sand is the real villain. Seriously. This is going to be a problem.
- Evening: First Dinner – Caipirinhas & Fishy Business. Found a little beachside restaurant. Caipirinhas were mandatory (and excellent, I might add!). Dinner? Grilled fish. Delicious! Until… the waiter asked if I wanted skin or not. What?! I've never been asked that before and was suddenly unsure of myself. I chose skin on and he stared straight into my soul. He might've seen me cry inside a little about the sand.
Day 2: Sun, Surf, and the Unexpected Dance of Chaos
- Morning: Attempting Serenity… Failed. Woke up, determined to be one with the beach. Meditated on the balcony. Peaceful. Then I spied the sand. It had already snuck in. Contemplated the ethics of wearing a hazmat suit to the beach. Decided against it.
- Late Morning: Surfing Fiasco (aka, Me vs. the Board). Booked a surf lesson. I looked like a majestic sea turtle. The instructor, a tanned Adonis with a smile that could melt glaciers, attempted to teach me. Let’s just say I’m more suited to watching the waves than riding them. Mostly ended up face-planting. The Adonis was very kind thought. Still found sand down there.
- Afternoon: Exploring Ingleses Town - Charm & Chaos. Wander around Ingleses Town and find some cute shops. It's pretty, but…there's a strange smell. Like… a mix of sunscreen, grilled fish, and unfulfilled ambitions. I bought a brightly coloured beach towel as another way to cover myself in the endless sand.
- Evening: Dinner & the Balcony Show. I have never spent as much time on a balcony as I have on this trip. Tonight I'm writing here. The sunset is again spectacular and I can almost forgive the sand. I have come to terms with the endless grains. Almost…
Day 3: It Was Supposed to be a Day of Relaxation…
- Morning: "Relaxation" Attempt #2. I'm going to the pool! This time, armed with a full-on arsenal of sand-removal techniques. I'm also going to try to actually enjoy myself.
- Late Morning/Afternoon: Adventure! Found a tiny little fishing shack on the beach. They were selling the catch of the day! They showed me a type of fish with massive teeth so I gave up on my plans for relaxation and went for a boat trip. I nearly fell into the water! After the shaking that was my boat trip I felt like I truly lived. When I got back, I was sand-free!
- Evening: Dinner - The Best I've Had. I want to eat at that shack from earlier. I have the best fish I've ever had! No sand! I think! I don't care!
Day 4: Farewell, Florianopolis (and the Sand!)
- Morning: Last Beach Walk (and a Final Sand Salute). One last stroll on the beach. I pick up a shell and stare at the waves. The sand… well, it's still there. Embraced it, actually.
- Afternoon: Departure. Time to go. Looking back, I just feel the sand between my toes. It's time to go home.
Final Thoughts (and a Few Rambles):
Florianopolis. Costa Norte Ingleses. It's… everything. The beach is stunning, the people are lovely, the caipirinhas are dangerous (in a good way), and the sand… the sand is a story. I would tell this story again. I will carry the sand always.
Luxury Siliguri Escape: Royal Vanilla Collection O Hotel & Banquet
Why is my toaster always burning one side of my bread? Seriously, it's a conspiracy, right?
Ugh, the burnt toast situation. I feel you. Seriously, I've spent YEARS battling that infernal appliance. Is it a conspiracy? Possibly. Maybe the toaster overlords are secretly judging my breakfast choices.
Look, I've fiddled with the settings (obvious, I know), tried different bread (artisanal, the cheap stuff, even those weird low-carb bricks), and the result is always the same: one side perfectly golden-brown, the other… charcoal. And sometimes… it's *both* sides are burnt on the same piece! I even considered buying a whole new toaster, convinced mine was personally offended by my existence.
My conclusion? Toasters are just moody divas. You just have to learn their quirks. Try rotating the bread halfway through. Maybe that'll help. Or, like me, just embrace the slightly burnt side and tell yourself it adds "texture." (It's a lie, but it gets you through the morning). Maybe it's the wiring? I don't know.
Why do I *always* forget where I put my phone/keys/wallet? Is it a sign of early-onset something?
Okay, deep breaths. We've ALL been there. The frantic, heart-pounding search for your phone, while your brain screams, "YOU. JUST. HAD. IT!" And then, the inevitable moment of realization: it's in the fridge. Or under the cat.
Early-onset something? Maybe. But probably not. More likely, it's just the chaotic, beautiful, and often frustrating reality of being human. We're overstimulated. Distracted. Maybe we're thinking about what sandwich we’re going to eat for lunch, and our poor brains just… forget.
I’ve tried EVERY tip there is: Place the phone in the same spot, make it a habit…etc. My place is like a treasure hunt zone. The one that works best for me? A panicked, "WHERE IS IT?!" shouted at the ceiling. More often than not I find it. Seriously, I often feel like I'm a character in a slapstick comedy. My advice? Buy a Tile tracker, invest in a serious dose of acceptance, and prepare to laugh – even when you're late (again) because you can’t find your car keys. I've lost them in the most absurd places. My *back pocket*? Yep. My shoe? Yep.
Honestly, it's the human condition, isn't it? Find it, lose it, find it again, and then repeat.
Why is it so hard to wake up in the morning? Surely, I could evolve to enjoy it?
Ah, the siren song of the snooze button. Listen, I *hate* mornings. Like, a deep, visceral loathing. I’m not a morning person. I’m a night owl who occasionally pretends to be a morning person – poorly.
Why is it so hard? Because your body, bless its heart, is still in sleep mode. Your brain hasn't quite rebooted. You're essentially trying to force your system to do physics before breakfast. It's mean, I'm telling you.
And the things people suggest! "Get more sleep!" (Easier said than done when you’re binge-watching Netflix until 2 AM.) "Drink water!" (Right, because reaching for a glass of water before I've had coffee is a sensible task.) "Open your blinds!" (See above, regarding the "sunlight equals happiness" theory). I envy those who wake up chirping like a melodious bird. I become a grumpy troll, until my first cup of coffee.
My strategy? Multiple alarms. A trail of coffee cups across the floor. And the firm belief that even the worst mornings eventually end. My advice: Find a good alarm sound (not too jarring, but not too gentle, either). Stock up on coffee. And allow yourself to be grumpy. Embrace the struggle.
Why does my internet *always* go out at the worst possible moment? (Online meeting! Movie night! When I really, really, *need* it!)
Oh, the internet. Our modern-day nemesis. Listen, it's not a coincidence. It's like it *knows* when you're in a crucial Zoom meeting, downloading that important file, or just trying to chill and watch Netflix. That spinning wheel of death? The ultimate digital taunt.
Is it a conspiracy by the internet gods? Probably not. But it certainly feels like it sometimes. I've had it cut out during my very important yearly review with my boss… right when I was explaining how much I DESERVED a raise. The timing was impeccable!
I've tried all the troubleshooting steps: Restarting the router (a million times), unplugging and plugging it back in (ritualistically, I swear), calling the internet provider (and listening to their awful hold music). Sometimes it fixes it. Sometimes… it just gets worse.
My advice? Invest in a backup plan. Get a mobile hotspot. And learn to accept that sometimes, the internet is just going to be a jerk. When it's down, I start pacing. I find the closest place to get back online and keep refreshing. I try to watch and rewatch something that's already downloaded. Then I pace some more. It's a vicious cycle. Be prepared to shout at your router, and maybe even buy a new one from time to time.
Why does everyone else seem to have their lives together? (And I feel like I’m barely holding on.)
The illusion of perfection. Oh, yes. We all fall for it. We look at other people’s meticulously curated Instagram feeds, hear the perfect stories about their perfect jobs, and start spiraling. "Why can't *I* have that?"
Here's a secret: Nobody has it all together. Nobody! Everyone is a mess, in their own way. Some people are just better at hiding it. That "perfect life" you see online? It's often a highlight reel. The real stuff? Well, that stays behind closed doors.
A year ago? I was sure everyone else was succeeding and I was failing miserably. I was comparing myself to everyone I knew. I had no idea what I was doing, and I could barely pay the bills. I spent countless hours staring at the ceiling, thinking "What am I doing wrong?"
I started being open with my friends. It turns out, a lot of them were also stressed out, broke as hell, and unsure of their futures! I realized that I wasn't failing. I was just… human.
My advice? Stop comparing yourself to others. Focus on your own journey. Celebrate your small victories. And remember, everyone has their own struggles. Your mess is perfectly okay because it's YOUR mess!
Why do I always get the "itchies" in the worst possible places?
This one's just cruel, right? You're in a meeting, at a formal dinner, or trying to have a romantic moment with someone... and BAM! The itch hits. And not just anywhere. Oh, no. It'sBook Hotels Now
Costa Norte Ingleses Hotel Florianopolis Brazil
Costa Norte Ingleses Hotel Florianopolis Brazil
