**Luxury Redefined: Parris Royal Hotel Abuja - Your Nigerian Oasis Awaits**
Okay, buckle up, buttercups. We're about to dive headfirst into the, let's be honest, often chaotic and surprisingly delightful world of hotel reviews. And today's victim, er, subject is Luxury Redefined: Parris Royal Hotel Abuja - Your Nigerian Oasis Awaits. Prepare for a rollercoaster.
First Impressions - The Arrival (and My Inner Drama Queen)
Alright, let's get real. Abuja traffic? A nightmare. Seriously, I’m pretty sure I aged a year just getting to the hotel. So, needless to say, when I finally did pull up to the Parris Royal, I was… well, let's say prickly. I needed a stiff drink and a very strong shoulder rub.
Accessibility: Thank heavens for the accessible entrance. After that drive, I needed to be able to move, and thankfully, getting into the hotel wasn’t a problem. Smooth sailing.
Check-in/out [express], and Check-in/out [private]: Thank GOD. I opted for the express check-in because, well, see above. And it was express. Efficient. Smooth. I'm a fan. The private check-in option? Bonus points for those who want a more… personal touch.
Doorman: Yep, there he was, holding the door. A small detail, maybe, but in the heat and the traffic-induced grumpiness, it sets the tone.
Concierge: I was too frazzled to really engage much with the concierge on the first day, but the staff was friendly and had a welcoming smile. They seemed genuinely happy to see me.
Elevator: Essential. Especially after navigating Abuja's road.
Safety/security feature, Security [24-hour], CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, Fire extinguisher, Smoke alarms: Okay, okay, I get it. The place is secure. And honestly, in a city like Abuja, that’s a massive comfort. Seeing all the security measures made me feel safe, which is the most important thing.
The Room – My Lair of Luxury (Mostly)
Okay, let's talk about the room. It's where the magic happens, right? Here's what I got:
Available in all rooms:
Air conditioning: Thank you, sweet merciful AC. Abuja heat is no joke.
Alarm clock: Fine. I set my own, but it's there.
Bathrobes, Slippers: YES. Immediately put on. Pure bliss after that drive. They felt like silk.
Bathroom phone: Still not sure why, but okay.
Bathtub, Separate shower/bathtub: Luxury! The bathtub looked fantastic. I had visions of bubbles and relaxation, but I'm too impatient to soak these days. Still, nice to have the option.
Blackout curtains: Essential for sleeping in, which I did.
Carpeting: It felt plush.
Closet: Plenty of space.
Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea: Crucial.
Daily housekeeping: Fantastic! The room was always immaculate.
Desk, Laptop workspace: It was a bit tight for me, but workable.
Extra long bed: YES! Always a win. I could stretch out without my feet hanging off.
Free bottled water: Essential.
Hair dryer: Okay, finally, something standard.
High floor, Window that opens: The view was…decent.
In-room safe box: Standard.
Interconnecting room(s) available: Great for families.
Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Wi-Fi [free]: Yep, worked flawlessly. Very crucial for me, and the Wi-Fi was fast.
Ironing facilities: Always appreciated.
Linens, Towels: Nice and soft.
Mini bar: Pricy, of course.
Mirror, Reading light, Socket near the bed, Smoke detector, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Umbrella: All present and accounted for.
Non-smoking: Always a plus.
On-demand movies, Satellite/cable channels: Didn't use them, but I appreciated they were there.
Private bathroom: You betcha.
Refrigerator: Cold drinks, yes please!
Scale: A little terrifying, if I'm honest. But it was there.
Seating area, Sofa: Nice to have a place to chill.
Shower: Worked fine.
Wake-up service: Didn't use it, I love my alarm clock.
The One Slight Hiccup (Because Life Isn't Perfect)
Okay, full disclosure: the first room I was in… wasn’t the one I’d booked. It was smaller and had a less desirable view. I immediately called reception (because, well, that's what you do) and they were extremely apologetic. That's important! They quickly moved me to a more spacious room. Quick issue resolution? Massive points.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking (My Favorite Part—Obviously)
I like to take my time and explore all the dining options.
Restaurants, A la carte in restaurant, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service, Buffet in restaurant, Coffee shop, International cuisine in restaurant, Poolside bar, Vegetarian restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant, Room service [24-hour], Snack bar, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Desserts in restaurant, Soup in restaurant, Salad in restaurant, Bottle of water, Essential condiments: I explored as much as I possibly could.
- The Breakfast Buffet: Absolutely stellar. Huge variety. The pastries were almost too tempting. The chef was happy to make me a custom omelet every day (bliss!).
- Poolside Bar: I may have spent an afternoon there, nursing a cocktail and pretending I was on vacation. The drinks were good, the snacks were delicious.
This is where the Parris Royal really shines. There are so many options! I had everything, I'm too full to list everything here!
Things to Do – Relax, Recharge, and Maybe Get a Little Pampered
Alright, let's get to the good stuff, the relaxation part.
Fitness center, Gym/fitness: I intended to go. I really did. But the bed was too comfy and the pool was too inviting.
Swimming pool [outdoor], Pool with view: The pool? Absolutely gorgeous. The water was sparkling. Plenty of space to spread out. The view? Meh, not fantastic, but it was still a nice escape.
Spa, Massage: I did get a massage. And let me tell you, after that drive, it was a lifesaver. The therapist was skilled and attentive. Deep tissue. Just what the doctor ordered.
Sauna, Steamroom: Didn't get around to these, but they're available, so, points for trying.
Body scrub, Body wrap: Didn't attempt, but the range of treatments is good.
Cleanliness and Safety – Because It Matters
This is where the Parris Royal really impressed me. I mean, after all the world's been through lately, this is something you want to take seriously.
Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Doctor/nurse on call, First aid kit, Hand sanitizer, Hot water linen and laundry washing, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment: Whew. That’s a lot! But basically: they are taking it seriously. I felt safe. Very, very important.
Service and Conveniences - The Little Things That Make a Big Difference
Air conditioning in public area, Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Dry cleaning, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meetings, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Safety deposit boxes, Terrace, Xerox/fax in business center: Everything you could possibly need, they have!
Getting around - The City Shuffle
Airport transfer, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Car power charging station, Taxi service, Valet parking: The airport transfer was seamless. The on-site parking? A lifesaver, in terms of convenience. I just hate the traffic.
For the Kids - Family-Friendly Fun
Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids meal: They're catering to families!
Overall Verdict
Look, I'm a tough critic. I like things to be perfect, but I know they never are. The Parris Royal Abuja isn't perfect, but it's damn good. It’s a haven in what can be a hectic city. Yes, there was
Luxury Johor Bahru Airport Suites: Unbeatable Deals & Stunning Views!
Okay, buckle up buttercup, because this isn't your perfectly-manicured, Instagram-worthy travel plan. We're heading to the Parris Royal Hotel in Abuja, Nigeria, and trust me, it's gonna be a ride. This is less "polished itinerary" and more "chaotic, caffeine-fueled adventure, probably with a few missed flights and questionable food choices." Here we go…
Day 1: Arrival, Abuja Hustle, and a Baptism by Suya
- 8:00 AM (ish): Wake Up, Existential Dread Kicks In. Okay, maybe I woke up at like, 7:30 and spent 30 minutes questioning all my life choices. Travel is great, but pre-trip anxiety? The worst. Did I pack enough socks? Did I actually need that third pair of hiking boots?
- 9:00 AM: Flight from wherever-the-hell-I-am-right-now. (Let's just assume it's Lagos. Because, Nigeria.) The usual pre-flight circus - last-minute frantic packing, forgetting my charger, and the sheer terror of being crammed into a metal tube with a bunch of strangers. Pray to the travel gods for a window seat. And maybe a functioning air conditioner.
- 11:00 AM (Rough Estimation): Arrival in Abuja, the "Capital" Vibe. Landed! Abuja, here we are! The airport looks…modern. Almost unsettlingly so. Like, they’ve spent all the money on the airport and forgotten the… well, everything else.
- 12:00 PM: The Great Car-Haggle. Taxi drivers are the same the world over, bless their entrepreneurial hearts. Prepare to fight for a fair price. My advice? Embrace the chaos, fake a fluent Hausa accent even if you don't understand a word, and try to look generally unimpressed.
- 1:00 PM: Check-In at Parris Royal Hotel (fingers crossed it’s as advertised). I’ve seen pictures, and it looks decent, clean enough, hopefully. Let's hope the AC works. After a long flight, the first thing you need is air that doesn't feel like you're swimming in a humid swamp.
- 2:00 PM: Lunch, if I can find any. Okay, I'm STARVING. Time to hunt down a decent (and safe-looking) restaurant. The internet whispers “Jabi Lake Mall” – sounds promising. Probably some chain restaurants, but I'm not feeling adventurous yet. Chicken and chips – my comfort food.
- 4:00 PM: Abuja Exploration (a bit). I’m thinking a drive around. See a few sights. A friend said Zuma Rock is cool. Apparently, it’s a giant rock. How exciting!
- 7:00 PM: The Suya Mission, the main event. Tonight, we eat like kings! I've heard tales of the best suya ever found in Abuja, near this Parris Royal hotspot. This is where the fun begins. Spicy, charred, meaty, and served in paper; I'm imagining it already. The real Abuja experience, you know? This could be perfect. I'm going to order every cut of meat. Maybe I’ll try to get a photo with the suya guy, if he's not too busy. This is the most important event of the trip. Nothing better!
- 9:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Crash into Bed (hopefully with a full stomach and no food poisoning). Praying the mosquito net actually works. And that the air con doesn't die. This is all about survival, right?
Day 2: Hilltop Views, More Suya, and a Lesson in Patience
- 7:00 AM: Wake Up (or maybe collapse out of bed). Let's be honest, sleep is precious, and travel can be exhausting. I might need an extra large coffee.
- 8:00 AM: Breakfast at the Hotel, if it's actually edible. Hotel breakfasts are a gamble. Will it be eggs that look like they've been sitting under a heat lamp since the dawn of time? Or something vaguely resembling a continental spread? Pray for something edible.
- 9:00 AM: A Hike to the Top of Aso Rock (maybe). Okay, so the internet says you can't just wander up Aso Rock. Apparently, it's a big deal (it houses the government). Maybe I'll find another hill. Or settle for the view from afar. Perspective is everything!
- 12:00 PM: Lunch, Round 2 (hopefully, not Round 2 of dodgy food). Today, I’m feeling a bit more daring. Maybe I'll try the local joint. The smell is a major motivator.
- 2:00 PM: More Sightseeing – Possibly the National Mosque or the National Assembly Complex (pictures only, I'm not trying to get arrested). Tourist trap time! The National Mosque is supposed to be beautiful. The National Assembly? Well, it'll be interesting.
- 4:00 PM: The Unexpected Shopping Trip. I'm not a big shopper, but maybe I'll see a market. Some souvenirs. You know, the requisite touristy things.
- 6:00 PM: Pre Suya Prep. Mentally I've been prepping all day.
- 7:00 PM: SUYA RELOADED. The Encore. That suya? It was SO good. Tonight, I'm going back for seconds. And maybe thirds. I’m thinking about the different cuts, the spice levels, the way it just melts in your mouth. This deserves a repeat performance.
- 9:00 PM: Post-Suya Bliss (or Food Coma). Reflecting on the incredible suya-ness of it all. Maybe a movie on the (hopefully) working TV. Or, more realistically, I'll pass out from sheer contentment.
Day 3: Departure and a Heart Filled with Memories (and Maybe a Slightly Upset Stomach)
- 7:00 AM: Panic-Packing, round 2. Did I forget anything important? (Probably.) Where's that charger?
- 8:00 AM: Last-Minute Breakfast, if I dare. (See Day 2's thoughts on hotel breakfasts)
- 9:00 AM: Check Out and the Airport Hustle, AGAIN. The airport is never fun. Prepare for delays, crowds, and the distinct possibility that you'll be sitting on the tarmac for an hour. Bring a book. And snacks.
- 10:00 AM: Airport Chaos. The airport is a different level of chaos. I’ll try to get to the gate on time. It might be the real test of my patience.
- 12:00 PM: Final Thoughts and Longing for Suya. As the plane takes off, I’ll probably be craving suya. Maybe I'll try to recreate it at home. Or, more likely, I'll just dream about my next trip back to Abuja.
Whew! That was a lot. This isn't the perfect itinerary, but it's real. And hey, if nothing else, at least I didn't die from food poisoning. And I ate a lot of suya. So, win-win, right? Travel is about embracing the mess, enjoying the unexpected, and finding the humor in the chaos. Now, it's time to see what Abuja has in store. Wish me luck! And if you see me…I'll probably be covered in suya sauce.
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So, what *is* this whole... *thing* about? Like, what are we even talking about right now? Because honestly, my brain is a bit fried.
Alright, deep breaths. This is a bit like wandering through a flea market, except the "items" are questions and the "stallholders" are… well, me. We're talking about… life, basically. The messy, wonderful, infuriating, and occasionally glitter-covered mess that is being human. Think of this as a cathartic therapy session where *you* don't have to talk (unless you want to, in which case, DM me your deepest thoughts – I thrive on chaos). It’s about answering some pretty common questions, with a healthy dose of… reality. You know, the stuff nobody tells you. The stuff that makes you go, "Wait, *that* happens to *everyone*?" Yep, pretty much.
Okay, fine, "life." But like, *my* life is a disaster. Do you have any tips on... adulting? Because I feel like I'm perpetually one step away from accidentally setting my house on fire while trying to boil water.
Oh honey, bless your heart. Adulting? It's a con. A beautiful, glorious, dumpster-fire of a con. I went through a phase where I didn't know how to turn on the washing machine, and then *I* set my oven on fire trying to bake cookies. So you are not alone. Here's my wisdom (and by wisdom, I mean hard-won lessons from the school of "trial and error"):
- Learn to cook *one* decent meal. Seriously. I mastered scrambled eggs and that's now a highlight of my day.
- Pay your bills on time. This is important. I got seriously shocked with that one.
- Don't be afraid to ask for help. Seriously. Call your mom, call your friend, call the internet – just don't suffer in silence. We all need a hand sometimes.
- Embrace the chaos. Because it's coming anyway. So, when your drain backs up and your dog eats your tax return, just laugh. Or cry. Or both. It works for me.
What about relationships? Ugh, where do even *start*? My love life is a comedy of errors. Is there a manual for this?
Oh. Boy. Relationships. If someone figures out a manual, let me know. I'll buy ten copies. Here's the truth: there is no manual. It's a glorious experiment in controlled chaos. And boy, I've been running experiments my entire life.
- Communication is key, yeah yeah yeah. But seriously. Learn to say what you need, and listen to what they need. It's harder than it sounds. Like, MUCH harder.
- Don't settle. You deserve to be happy. Even if it means you have to be alone for a while. Being alone is sometimes good. Then you get to eat all the chips in peace!
- Forgive. Both yourself and others. We're all imperfect, and we're all going to mess up. Learn from it.
- Don't be afraid to walk away. It's a hard one, but sometimes you have to say goodbye.
Okay, so like, what if I'm just... *tired*? Of everything. Is that a normal feeling? And how do you get out of the slump of being a garbage human?
Normal? Oh honey, it's practically the national anthem. We all feel tired. We all feel like we're garbage sometimes. What matters is what you do *after* that feeling hits. Here's my go-to strategy:
- Acknowledge it. Don't beat yourself up for feeling down. It happens. Embrace it, then move on.
- Take a break. Seriously. Step away from the responsibility. Read a book, watch a dumb movie, take a nap. Just disconnect for a bit.
- Do something nice for yourself. A bubble bath, a delicious meal (scrambled eggs count!), or just sitting in the sunshine. Small comforts are the best.
- Talk to someone. A friend, a therapist, a stranger on the internet. Get it out. Don't bottle it up. It's like a volcano.
- Lower your expectations. Life will still be hard. But you will get over it.
What about work? Ugh, I hate my job. Is there a secret to success? Like, a winning formula?
Secret? Nope. Formula? Not really. Again, it's a messy experiment.
- Find something you *don't* completely despise. Look, we can't all love our jobs, but try to find one you don't actively hate.
- Learn something new. Always. Never stop learning. It keeps your brain from turning to mush.
- Don't be afraid to fail. Failure is a learning opportunity. Really! (Okay, sometimes it stings, but still...)
- Build a support system. Good co-workers make a bad job bearable.
- Know your worth. Seriously. Fight for what you deserve. Don't let anyone take advantage of you.
Okay, so, like, what if I feel like I'm just…different? Am I the only weirdo?
Oh, honey. Sweet, sweet honey. Are you the only weirdo? Absolutely not. We're all weirdos. Hotels With Kitchen Near Me
